I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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