The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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