It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I could fuck to npr.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
