i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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