mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
