You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
