i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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