Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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