just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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