@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
