We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
