my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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