proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There r osticjed everywhere
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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