Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
