Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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