I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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