so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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