he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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