She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
