I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
