sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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