i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
