Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
