One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
