i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
