cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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