M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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