I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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