The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im holly from the hills drunk
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
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I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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