I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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