we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize