I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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