Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
