My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
