i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
