They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
