I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
