Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
