Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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