then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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