Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
