4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
