i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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