I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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