he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
