your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
