I love black thongs
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We need to get me chipped asap
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
