Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
