imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
