I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
