I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
