I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
