I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
