I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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