i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you