we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.