Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
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still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
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I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.