It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
