1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I believe in your delicious
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