If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
