I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
