its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
