I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
