you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
