im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
