everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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