I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
