I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
