I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Randomize
